Dealing With Rejection

Rejection can be painful but it doesn’t have to hold you back from living your life.
We have all been rejected at one point or another, maybe a new love interest, a job you applied to, or a group of friends. Whatever the rejection, the fact is that rejection hurt and when you put it out all on the line only to get a heartbreaking. No is enough to make anyone want to stop trying to put themselves out there for anything.

The feeling of rejection is the opposite of feeling accepted. But being rejected (and we all will be most times) doesn’t mean someone isn’t liked, valued, or important.

What to Do When You Feel Lonely and rejected
Auspiciously, there are ways you can deal with rejection that can help you come out of it stronger. Being rejected doesn’t have to be the end-all be-all, and you can actually learn a great deal from the experiences in the long run to become more resilient in your life. So if you’re wondering how to deal with rejection from friends, here are some tips and techniques to help you bounce back from the experience:

1. Practice self-care: Anger and hurt will probably be your immediate reactions after a rejection. In these moments, self-care is truly important: Activities like exercising and going for a run, doing yoga or meditating are great ways to get in peaceful place, so you think more clearly. And if those activities aren’t really your thing, try engaging in anything that makes you feel good and helps you calm down whether it’s baking, taking a bath, or listening to music.

2. Take time to process your emotions:
After you’ve taken some time to calm down and get grounded, it’s important to pay attention to what you’re feeling and a great way to do this is write it all down in a journal. Then you can pair them with the thoughts that are going with those emotions. By doing that, you’re getting some distance, and then you can cope with the rejection better. And remember, whenever you are paying attention to your emotions, remember that it’s never helpful to feel like you shouldn’t feel a certain way. Your emotions are never right or wrong, they just are.

3. Practice self-affirmation:
Beyond simply admitting your emotions, try writing down some positive things about yourself in other words, come up with a list of some of your strengths and values, and start your morning off each day by reading them out loud to yourself. This isn’t just talking yourself up, but thinking about what makes you, you. These self-affirmations will help you feel stronger just by recognizing who you really are and how you identify yourself, especially in the face of self-doubt that often comes with rejection.

4. Spend quality time with the people you love:
When you’re faced with a rejection of any type, one important thing to remember is that there’s more to life than the one rejection from that one person or thing. To remind yourself that you haven’t been completely shunned by the world, spend some quality time with friends and family, and make sure you are feeling truly connected with other people around you.
Connection is so important because it reminds us of all the things that we can’t remember in that moment: It reminds us of how lovable we are…that people care about us…that we’re worthy.

5. Don’t forget to be kind to yourself:
We tend to beat ourselves up over the things that might have led us to be rejected, but this habit unavoidably causes us to feel worse. The first thing a lot of people do when they get rejected is to be unkind to themselves, and thus, start coming up with all kinds of ideas about what’s wrong with them.
Instead of constantly having these negative thoughts and dwelling on these negative emotions (a process called rumination), look at the situation more objectively and ask yourself if there’s anything you can learn from the experience, doing so with compassion towards yourself.

6. Develop healthy habits:
Whether you’re trying to figure out how to deal with rejection from family or from coworkers, sometimes it’s just the everyday things in your home or work life that might influence how you respond to rejection. Maybe you didn’t get enough sleep, or haven’t been eating well lately. These things can surely make it harder to handle rejection in a healthy way. Do one thing you can do to cope better is to work on leading a healthy lifestyle. This means eating well, exercising frequently, and staying hydrated, all of which can help you stay strong in the face of rejection.

7. Do not let rejection stop you:
If there’s one important skill to learn from rejection, it’s that you should never let it stop you from your future endeavors getting rejected is just an inevitable part of life, after all, and every single successful person has experienced it at one time or another

So the next time you’re turned down for a date or don’t get that job you applied to, remind yourself that rejection happens to everyone and instead of allowing yourself to be devastated and beat down, ask yourself what can I do going forward. The most important thing is to not lie in the rejection, but to say, is there anything I can learn from this experience? Where can I go?

Before saying I Do

Marriage is a beautiful union between a man and a woman and no one gets married and wish to be unhappy or make their spouse unhappy. The thing is most times we enter marriage with wrong orientations and big dreams with a hope that if we dream big enough and believe it, we would actually succeed in marriage. Marriage is not a fairytale and so going into one with fairytale wishes and happily ever after dreams would be a disaster.

Here are some pointers to keep in mind before saying I Do.

1. Marriage is a begining and not an end: Marriage is the begining of a lifelong journey. A journey of pain and joy, sadness and laughter, mourning and celebration, and ups and down. It won’t all be rosy so be prepared.

2. No two marriage is the same: Every marriage is different, just like every individual has different personality. Do not compare your marriage with what you see on TVs or with that of your friends.

3. It takes more than love for a marriage to work: Love is not the only basis or foundation for a lasting marriage. More efforts are required to succeed maritally, such as commitment, patience, understanding trust, devotion, time, and above all, God. Do not go into marriage thinking it’s all about love…

4. You’re also marrying your spouse’s family: The moment you said ‘I Do’ to your spouse, you also said I do to his family and it goes both ways. This means you won’t always spend the holidays at your family’s.

5. Don’t expect perfection: There is no perfect human on earth and your spouse is also a human. So do not expect perfection from him/her. Know this, in as much as you are setting standards, try not make them difficult and unattainable.

6. How to solve conflict without arguing: Disagreement is inevitable in marriage. There is bound to be conflict, but how this conflicts are being resolved can either build or break the marriage. Learn to solve conflicts without arguing before getting married.

7. Everyone has a love language: Everyone has a way of expressing their love. Understanding your spouse’s way of expressing love would help you communicate love in a language they’ll understand. It’ll also help you bond even stronger. Remember your spouse’s language of love may be different from from yours so be ready to learn and adapt.

8. Discover who you are: Know that in as much as you both are one, you’re two different individuals and you both have a life outside your marriage. Work on self, develop yourself and also grow individually. Only then can you grow as couples.

Marriage is a constant work in progress. There is no perfect marriage. For a marriage to work, both spouse’s must be committed and work together as a team. Remember build, grow, and evolve.

Life’s Recipe

Yesterday I came across a poem by Rudyard Kipling, tittled IF, and it struck my heart. According to the poem, life will surely, challenge you physically, mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually– which is true– but you have to endure, keep going through and grow above the adversity you will face. The poem is more like a recipe to life. It’s inspiring and also motivating.

If— by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

13 signs of a toxic relationship

Before we talk about the signs of a toxic relationship, we have to understand what a toxic relationship really is. We must have heard the phrase” toxic relationship” thrown round, either from a friend, a colleague. The Truth is we can’t really tell the meaning of a toxic relationship.

There is no perfect or complete definition of a toxic relationship as all relationships are subjective. Acording to Mackenzie Piper, MPH,CHES, senior manager of programs at Power to Decide, “toxic relationships typically manifest as someone asserting power over another and with someone questioning their self-worth or value.”

Some of these signs may be present in yourself, your partner or your relationship if you are in toxic relationship. Depending on the nature of the relationship, signs of toxicity can be non obvious or highly obvious. Remember it takes two people to become toxic. Either you or your partner.

1. Controlling behaviors:
Wanting to know where you are all the time, or becoming overly upset when you don’t immediately answer texts or calls are both signs of controlling behavior, and this can contribute to toxicity in a relationship.
In some cases, these attempts of control over you can be a sign of abuse.
2. Lack of support:
If your time together has stopped being positive or supportive of your goals.
Every healthy relationship is based on a mutual desire to see the other succeed in all areas of life.But when things turn toxic, every achievement becomes a competition.
In other words, you don’t feel like they have your back.
3. Toxic communication:
Instead of treating each other with kindness, most of your conversations are filled with sarcasm, criticism, or overt hostility. You may even start avoiding talking to each other.
4. Jealousy:
While it is normal to experience jealousy from time to time, it can become an issue if you can’t get yourself to think or feel positively about their success.
5. Resentment:
When you hold on to grudges and let them fester, it chips away at intimacy.
Over time, frustration or resentment can build up and make a smaller chasm that becomes much bigger.
6. Dishonesty:
You begin to find yourself constantly making up lies about your whereabouts or who you meet up with to avoid spending time with your partner and also to get past unnecessary questionings.
7. Patterns of disrespect:
Casually forgetting events or being late to them, and other behaviors that show disrespect for are all red flag.
8. Negative financial behaviors:
Your partner might make financial decisions, including purchasing expensive items or withdrawing large sums of money, without consulting you.
9. Constant stress:
Finding yourself constantly on edge is an indicator that something’s off. A normal amount of tension runs through every relationship but when it’s too much, it’s a red flag.This stress can take a toll on your physical and emotional health.
10. Ignoring your needs:
When you go along with whatever your partner wants to do, even when it goes against your wishes or comfort level, is a sure sign of toxicity. For example, you might agree to a vacation they planned, either intentionally or unintentionally, for dates that aren’t convenient for you.
11. Lost relationships:
Have you stopped spending time with friends and family, either to avoid conflict with your partner or to get around having to explain what’s happening in your relationship. This is a clear sign of toxicity in a relationship.
12. Lack of self-care:
In a toxic relationship, you might let go of your usual self-care habits.
You might withdraw from hobbies you once loved, neglect your health, and even your free time.
13. Walking on eggshells:
You worry that by bringing up problems, you’ll provoke extreme tension, so you become conflict avoidant and keep any issues to yourself. This is a major red flag.

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What is grief?

In my previous post I wrote about some myths and facts about grieving. This has prompted me to write about what grief really is. We can’t talk about myths and facts when we don’t have a clue of what grief is. So the question is What is grief?
Grief is a natural response to loss. It’s the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. Often, this pain of loss can feel overwhelming and unbearable. You may also experience all kinds of difficult and unexpected emotions, from shock or anger to disbelief, guilt, and profound sadness. The pain of grief can also disrupt your physical health, make sleeping, eating or even thinking straight difficult. These are normal reactions to loss—and the more significant the loss, the more intense your grief will be.

Coping with the loss of someone or even something you love is one of life’s biggest challenges. You may associate grieving with the death of a loved one, but any loss can cause grief, including:

*Divorce or relationship breakup
*Loss of health
*Losing a job
*Loss of financial stability
*A miscarriage
*Death of a pet
*Loss of a cherished dream
*A loved one’s serious illness
*Loss of a friendship
*Loss of safety after a trauma
*Selling the family home
Even common losses in life can trigger a sense of grief. For example, you might grieve after moving away from home, graduating from college, or changing jobs.

Whatever your loss, it’s personal to you, so don’t feel ashamed about how you feel, or believe that it’s somehow only right to grieve for certain things. If the person, animal, relationship, or situation was significant to you, it’s normal to grieve the loss you’re experiencing. Whatever the cause of your grief, though, there are healthy ways to cope with the pain that, in time, can ease your sadness and help you come to terms with your loss, find new meaning, and eventually move on with your life.

Thanks for the response to my previous post myths and facts about grieving. Just incase you’ve not gone through it, it’s about some myths and facts about grieving that are believed by most people…

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Myths and facts about grieving

I would like to share some myths and also some facts about grieving. There is no wrong or correct way to handling grief.

Myth: When you ignore it,the pain will go away faster.
Fact: Trying to ignore your pain or keeping it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. For a complete healing, it is necessary to face your pain and deal with it.

Myth: You need to be strong in the period of loss.
Fact: Feeling sad, frightened, empty or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. Crying doesn’t mean you are weak. Showing your true feelings can help them and you.

Myth: If you do not cry, then you aren’t sorry about the loss.
Fact: Those who don’t cry may feel the pain just as deeply as others. They may simply have other ways of showing it. Crying is a normal response to sadness, but it’s not the only one.

Myth: Grieving should last about a year.
Fact: There is no specific time frame for grieving. How long it takes differs from person to person.

Myth: Moving on with your life means forgetting about your loss.
Fact: Moving on means you’ve accepted your loss. You can move on with your life and keep the memory of someone or something you lost as an important part of you. In fact, as we move through life, these memories can become more and more
integral to defining the people we are.

What other myths have you heard about grief please share.

Please do well to go through my previous post, share, like, and comment.

Thanks xoxo..

Yes you can

So today I got thinking of the many goals I had made and didn’t achieve. And discovered that just like me, there also a lot of people who at some points in their lives have also had one goal or the other they’re yet to achieve. This brings me to a conclusion that we all share the same problems no matter how hard we try to deny it.
We should also know that problems are forever and we can’t avoid them. You’ll wake up tomorrow and have problems with your toaster. You’ll jump on the bus and read a problem in your email inbox.
You’ll get to work and get a problem smack bang in your pretty face!
The interesting thing is all these typical problems we face can actually be solved.
One of these typical problem is not reaching your goal.
Just because you set a goal, doesn’t mean you’re going to get it…Yeah. Many of life’s toughest goals take lots of trials before they can be achieved. Some of the goals I missed are:

• Guys I wanted to date

• Dream career

• Saving enough money to build a house in my hometown

Even people who talk about success and about personal development, don’t also reach their goals.
The best feeling about reaching a goal is the journey it took for you to get there. If all your goals are easy, then you’d feel nothing at the end of the process.

Take that goal you didn’t achieve and try a different approach. When you do the same thing over and over to achieve your goal that is the beginning of insanity.
Your heroes also miss their goals too, but what makes them stand out is that they didn’t give up. The fun of goal-setting is knowing that you’ll fail and being ready to try again.

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Thank you… xoxo

A penny a day keeps the…..

The idea of saving is fantastic, fun and even beneficial.As a matter of fact it is crucial for one to save. But the issue is as good as it sounds, it isn’t easy to carry out.
For me saving was a very big issue. Yes it has a lot of benefits and all, but I found it very difficult to put out little bits of my money. The idea of keeping out a specific amount of money daily, weekly or even monthly was very difficult and required patience, and determination which at a point was lacking 😒.Most times once I decide to put out a specific amount of money, that’s when a problem will arise and I’ll be forced to postponed saving or terminate the idea entirely. Though it hasn’t been easy but I have been able to start saving through these few steps :
1. Just do it: I have come to learn that if you really want to save, you just have to do IT even if it seems like there are other pressing and important needs.Just know that saving is also important.
2. Set a goal: Another thing that has helped me in saving is having a goal. As little as it may sound, having a goal will not only propel you, but it will energize and motivate you to save. Example: I want to achieve this by this time, this is what I want ..
3. Have a laid down plan: After setting up your goal, make a plan on how to achieve this goal. It may be daily or maybe weekly, or you can decide monthly which ever works for you. But make sure your plan is plain and easy to achieve.
4. Be accountable: As cliche as this may sound, being accountable is one way to achieve your goals. So yeah be accountable to someone it’s important.
With these four steps I think you’ll be saving in no time just as I was able to. Remember start small and then make progress as you go..

Drop all your thoughts,contribution and also share some of the issues you’ve faced in the course of saving in the comment section.

Don’t forget to like,share and comment.

Thanks xoxo

About me.

Hi and welcome to my blog. I am Sharon Chinedum and a student. I love black,and the smell of rain on the soil ☺️

This blog is all about discovering, sharing, and solving most of life issues. These issues can be from relationships, family, career, health, fitness, passion and so on. So be ready because it’s going to be very engaging and interactive…. Drop your thoughts in the comments section of each post. Thanks